I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
