actually, I'm a sock model
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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