i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
