I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
