if you like me you must not know who I am
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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