you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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