I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
