Someone shit on the floor
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
