I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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