i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
worst night to have a conscience
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
