remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
