I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
