I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
