How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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