I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
