I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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