He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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