Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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