I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
