Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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