Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
