i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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