that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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