I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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