Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
