Your mouth is God's brothel.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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