I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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