Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
