I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
