I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
