remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
