I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
