Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
