I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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