So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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