Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
