If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
