You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
