Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
