i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
im calling her cock vulture from now on
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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