CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
