I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
