so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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