I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Pooping to opera.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
