i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
