We won't sleep together?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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