u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
