i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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