Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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