chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
