can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
