Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
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I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
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they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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