Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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