I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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