I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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