This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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