hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
