U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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