YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
