Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
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There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
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I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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