wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.