we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
