Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
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Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long