My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
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What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night