Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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