In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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