what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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