Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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