so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
