Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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