It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
