Pants 0. Shit 1.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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