Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
