I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
